Do Not Let Your Small Talk Ruin Your Big Screen Career. Chapter 1

Did you just start your acting career in Los Angeles? You probably already heard many times then that as an actor you should also learn how to do a small talk. At least, I was told so by many "actors" that the city is full of who are masters of small talk. I was genuinely fascinated by their mastery of being able to simply start talking to people about small things. Alas, that is as far as it ever gets with those masters.

I thought that all my real skills and experiences would never be noticed unless I learned how to do a small talk. My problem was though I could never have a small talk. I just could not do it. I'm always interested in deep talk. That is just the way my brain is wired. I thought it was a serious problem. I decided I would become a master of small talk. It took me two years of reading many books and articles about communication and marketing. I also started practicing this skill with people I met or worked with. It was very tough till one day I realized that I was right from the very beginning of my journey. There is no such thing as a small talk. Every time we decide to engage into conversation with someone, we basically acknowledge that this person is interesting and important enough for us to take time and effort to approach and talk to. Yes, whether you mention something silly or something awkward matters very little as long as you say it genuinely. Be vulnerable and make it simple. Here is the thing that I came up with during one of my fun experiences.

I call it "Let Me Guess Your Name" game. I was at the West Chester Film Festival doing a workshop on filming and choreographing with Steven Michael, a creator and director of The Omega, a sci-fi action drama series that we just finished filming the first episode of. There was a wonderful dinner afterwards. And knowing that a lot of people wanted to talk more than they wanted to eat, I made it my mission to make a few conversations. Although, I love eating as much as I do talking and working out. However, I always eat first :)

I also wanted to get to know people. Do not we all want to get to know people? Otherwise, we would not choose this type of career.

And just like in cheesy romantic movies, there was a young beautiful blonde girl standing by the bar. She was just standing and staring into the space so hard that I felt like she would break the atoms of space and make a time-travel whole in it. In other words, she seriously wanted to talk to someone but did not know who. I walked up to her. And as soon as she noticed me, she literally threw her hand into mine and said very loudly "What's your name?". She had a very strong handshake too. At this point, I had two options. I could be a very boring small talker and simply say my name and then politely ask hers. After that, we would probably nothing to talk about. Instead, thanks to that delicious piece of chocolate cake that I just had, I decided to do it differently. I suggested her we play a game and try to guess each other names. We did. It was fun. It took us a few minutes and a few adjustments of the rules of the game but eventually we did it. She guessed my name and I guessed hers. It was so much fun that now we actually could share this story with someone else at the party and introduce ourselves to other people. We did. I knew one of the sponsors of the festival Michael DiMenna. I introduced her to Michael and told him how much fun it was to get to know her by guessing her name. He asked what I meant by it and from there another conversation was born. After two minutes, that beautiful blonde did not need me to share her name with anyone else. She felt comfortable enough to talk to people on her own now. Plus, she just got introduced to the man who sponsored the festival! I am still staying in touch with her. I know what you think but no, the script of the cheesy romantic movie ended as soon as the festival was over. We are simply saying hi to each other once in a while. She still has to learn about long term connections :)

What is the point of this whole post? The point is that when you start your acting career or any other business that requires connecting to people do not do SMALL TALK, DO REAL TALK. Be vulnerable. Open up. Be You. And let your REAL CAREER START with people who are interested in getting to know you and letting you get to know them. Leave small talk to small people. Real is what will take you places.

This post is inspired by the quote from the book never eat alone by Keith Ferrazzi, which was given to me by Robert J. Crowder from Chapman Farrell Group, LLC. The specific quote from the book is "The best way to become good at small talk is not to talk small at all".